CHAPTER 3
Forgiving yourself first is a must, don’t skip that part. Don’t try to work the magic of forgiveness of others if you have not forgiven yourself. It takes two to tango and none of us are a totally innocent person in many situations. OK?
Forgiveness comes to us with value. Think about that for a minute. There is value in forgiving. I have already given you what you receive from the gift of forgiving yourself and what a gift it is. Forgiving others is when healing continues.
Yes, healing. Until you work through the steps of forgiveness, you will still have thorny wounds.
Let’s explore what forgiveness truly is. It is not forgetting or allowing the hurt to just sit there while you wave goodbye only to realize it never left. It is about letting go of those feelings of getting even or revenge and allowing those feelings to grind away at you.
In Chapter 2 I listed the feelings you will receive when you forgive yourself. I am now going to share with you what happens when you forgive those who caused you immense pain.
Negativity has become a thing in the past.
You will truly feel happier.
You will experience relief from wanting to blow that person up. I share that story below.
The superb feeling you will feel is the one that comes when you realize you do NOT have to tell that person you forgave them because you did that for you, not them.
On the flip side of not telling them, maybe the person needs to know because you may really want to preserve the relationship. Think about that one.
Years ago I was in a long-distance relationship with a man who was in town weekly and sometimes over the weekend. He lived in Chicago; I lived in Cleveland. One day he called me and told me he was going back to Chicago earlier than planned and that the reason was that he just couldn’t continue our relationship.
I was heartbroken. Did I love him? Yes, was he a jerk? Yes.
The next morning I sat with my landline in hand and continued to try to get through to a local radio station that allowed listeners to “blow people up” using the sound of the implosion of a high rise building coming down in Cleveland, Ohio.
I got through. I told them I wanted to blow (insert name) up for leading me on and leaving me with no actual explanation.
After being recorded saying his name, I asked the station to play “Total Eclipse of the Heart”.
I knew if he was on the road he probably heard me, and I was right because he turned his car around and he called me to ask me to dinner that night to talk.
Oh, this wasn’t the first time I had to forgive him in our relationship, and yes, in our marriage.
I didn’t realize until recently that I was still holding on to an urge to blow him up again. As often happens in dying relationships, things get ugly even after 34 years. Somehow we became friends on Facebook until he lied to me about something and I called him out on it so he blew me up by un-friending me. Do I care? No. I laughed.
You see, as soon as I realized he was the same lying fool I did not have to forgive myself or him because I had no expectations this time.
I will leave you with this, blowing someone up like I did feels good.