The Yin and Yang of grieving revealed itself to me several months ago. I actually know the day it happened.
I was at the one-year mark of producing my 2-minute daily life coaching podcast when I saw the light. In fact, the big reveal sat on the corner of my desk and just perched there, waiting for me to acknowledge it.
I couldn’t turn the light off. It had no on/off switch.
I allowed the warmth of the light to envelop my thinking and I realized I had turned a corner. I wanted more in my life. For over 20 years, I had a person I could count on to partner up with me and take off for parts unknown. I knew I wanted to do what we did, and I realized it would be okay for me to do these things on my own.
My first big step was to attend a conference in Las Vegas all by myself. This was a conference we had attended together before. I was all alone in a hotel, handling my comings and goings, and I had one huge issue. I left my phone in a cab.
Oh goodness, this is when panic set in, but a very honest cab driver answered my phone and brought it back to me. He got a $100 tip.
I sat down in the conference center and cried. I knew then I needed to dial it back and take baby steps.
I also dipped my toes in the world of dating. It ended up we were too wrong for each other, but I learned from him. In another lifetime, I would not have realized he was a good teacher, but he was. If he reads this, I want him to know I am very grateful we met.
I vacillated between being okay and being devastated, though, and again I wondered if I was ready for all of this. It was difficult, especially for someone with ADD.
Then the light came on again and I knew I had two adventures to check off on my list and I could move forward.
This is the Yin and Yang of grief. We are trying to live as we once did, but things are different now. We wake up and start our days as we always have, only now we are alone. We make it through somehow and go to bed ticking off things we have gratitude for and many times we cannot find things.
Fast forward from my 2 adventures. As I leave them in my past, I see the lessons there.
There is so much Yin and Yang in grieving and I know many people don’t see that (yet). We all grieve in different ways, and at different times.
I am at a point where I am going out by myself but joining group activities. This is a good way to start.
I am okay with knowing I am ready to do things and in all of this, I had a bigger revelation. I am only doing what I want to do, nothing more. I put myself on a new schedule and I stand in the home I bought almost 2 years ago feeling so happy it is mine.
Last week I put a set of wine glasses away. I had been using them because we used them. Now every time I have a glass of wine, I choose one of the lovely glasses I own and I smile. Progress, aka Yin and Yang.
