ANGER OR ANGRY
Which one is it? Are you living in anger or are you just momentarily angry? Is it anger or angry that you feel?
I am sharing what I feel about myself personally here. I feel angry at times of course and recently I was with someone who triggered my angry feelings too many times. He called me volatile. Yes, I can be volatile if/when someone pushes my buttons.
However, my life as a coach, as a helper is always filled with the desire to be kind, to reach out, to lend a hand and to lift someone up. This is how I know I can get angry; I don’t live in anger.
There is a vast difference and as I power through what just happened to me, doing research on this topic is my gummy right now.
In my life, I have seen many forms of anger in people. Unfortunately, I married a man with huge anger issues and his anger came out as being intermittent explosive disorder. People who live their lives with this disorder have repeated episodes of aggressive, impulsive, or violent behavior. They may overreact to situations with angry outbursts that are out of proportion to the situation.
I found that description on Healthline, and I was very married to a person with IED.
It happened to me again, and every outburst took me back in time to a place I worked hard to leave behind. The rage that lives within people with IED is frightening. When/if you realize certain topics of conversation are off limits, or you walk on eggshells if topics come up or worse yet you agree with them just to keep the peace, it is time to bail.
Maya Angelou said “When a people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” Me? I tried to fix the issue. I gave him a second chance. He promised he would work on it, he couldn’t. It is too much a part of him and probably has been for many years.
In less than 24 hours, there were 3-4 anger outbursts. He told me he ruins every relationship he is in, and of course I thought “Oh no worries, I am different from all that went before me.”
Interestingly, the other thing he told me he knows about himself is that he lacks empathy, and yes, he is right. Me? I am filled with empathy. We were opposites.
Now, back to my angry reactions when I am hurt or triggered. Yes, I have these moments. Everyone does. I am not proud of my reactions to things and yesterday, I admit I was in a bad place and had my own outbursts over little things. Today I am just very sad. I am sad I fooled myself again. I am sad I allowed someone in who is a danger to me emotionally. I am sad I believed him.
Am I angry? Yes, but my angry feelings take second place to feeling very sad right now.
He calls his feelings impatience. I doubt if he will ever stop putting a band aid word on what he really feels. I just wish with all my heart he had never come into my life, however, a lesson was learned. I saw the signs. I should have been strong enough to move past him the first time I saw them.