Toxic love undoubtedly happens to all of us. I do not believe anyone is completely immune to it. It happens. How does it happen?
Well, we fall for someone who is absolutely wrong for us. We fall for someone we know is wrong for us and believe we can fix them, or as I call it on my podcast, we think we are their cure. We fall for someone we are positive will change. Do I need to go on?
OKAY, so you can come out from hiding now and honor the fact that you have done this. Here is the important part of having been in a toxic love relationship, there is always a lesson there to be learned. If you can honestly say you found a lesson or lessons congratulations.
Finding a lesson in toxic love becomes a cure for you. The lesson will show you exactly what you never want to have happen again. It will possibly open other doors for you to new and exciting adventures because your emotional brain will have an aha moment.
How do I know this, well hell, I had a toxic love recently and I can actually count three lessons within it all and I am grateful for all three.
In my case, in my story, my first lesson was he gave me excellent financial advice and I took it. That was a terrific lesson to take with me.
My second lesson was I was actually taken back in time to look at many relationships I had and in most of them I could see the passion I have for being the cure. Come on my background is nursing, so of course I believe I am a fixer or all problems. How many times have you been in the same situation? Be honest. You saw the bad shit and you still thought you could fix them. If you were miserable in leaving remember those who stay are even more miserable.
My third lesson came to me as an idea that perched on the side of my desk one day and looked at me. I visualize my ideas as birds sitting there tilting their heads at me, occasionally letting out a peep or a squawk to catch my attention. This bird sat there preening it’s feathers and looking over at me now and then waiting for the idea it was there to give me finally landed in my head.
It did. One morning I woke up and knew I was going to start working on a new campaign in my writing, in my coaching, in my life and I named it #chooseyou. You see my problem up until this point is that I was choosing them. I had not been choosing me. Now there was a big revelation.
I dedicate Sunday to talking on my podcast about this very topic, #chooseyou. I don’t ask people to be selfish cretins, not at all. I suggest they take a path to making decisions which bring them peace. I end most of my #chooseyou episodes reminding people if you feel relieved after you choose yourself then you made the correct choice.
Choosing yourself first is no different than loving yourself first. Both of these emotional feelings will allow you to be a better person and in a better place.
After I thought back on all three lessons, I found myself in a place where I knew I could live the remainder of my life in peace and harmony and be in a good place.
As luck and love would have it as soon as I said those words love found me. Pure, sweet and respectful love came calling and still tell him I cannot believe he fell into my life, but he did, and while nothing is ever perfect, this time around it is not toxic.
It was so important to learn those lessons, and I probably had ignored these lessons in the past as every toxic love comes with lessons. I had to be ready to receive them, and now I can actually have a grateful heart for ever having this final toxic love.